Shoulda Woulda Coula 9/9/16

Happy Friday muchachos. So there are a lot of things that our favorite companies do that have us very excited and then let us down big time.  Last time I wrote about Future's End, which we all hoped was going to be a lot better than it was.  This time I want to touch on the Marvel Hip Hop covers. I thought a lot of them were amazing, but really had nothing to do with the books, which lets be real with the variant craze, a lot of the variants have this problem.  If I had been in the Marvel's writing room when this popped up, I would have pitched the idea that they are one or two shots that go with the hip hop covers.  I realize that most of this music is way too offensive for Marvel to use, but if they can play it on the radio, I'm sure they could work something out. I will give you some examples.

1. Black Panther - Jay-Z - 99 Problems/Dirt Off Your Shoulder - I know they would never do this song because it disrespects the whole female gender, but his woman situation is handled and he has 99+ problems in this new book. However, if they wanted to do a one shot where he is in New York and gets racially profiled, specially what has been going on lately. They wouldn't have to reference the song directly but give a big wink to it. Lyrics that would work:

"Do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?"
Well my glove compartment is locked so is the trunk and the back
And I know my rights so you gon' need a warrant for that
"Aren't you sharp as a tack are some type of lawyer or something?"
"Or somebody important or something?"
Nah I ain't passed the bar but I know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my ish.

BOOM. How awesome would something like that in the Black Panther book.   The other song they could have wrote is Dirt off your shoulder.  With their writers it would be incredibly easy to weave in something like when T'Challa fighting for the throne and the right to be the Black Panther, some people would be proud, some jealous.

All the ballers is bouncin' they like the way I be leanin'
All the rappers be hatin', off the track that I'm makin'
But all the hustlers they love it just to see one of us make it
Came from the bottom the bottom, to the top of the pots

2. Uncanny Inhumans - Outkast - Rosa Parks/SpottieOttiedopaliscious - Since Marvel is forcing the Inhumans down our throat they have a lot of characters to play with. I think a one shot where they find some new Inhumans that are unhappy in their situation and being persecuted against.

Said baby boy you only funky as your last cut
You focus on the past your @$$'ll be a has what
that's one to live by or either that one to die to
I try to just throw it at you determine your own adventure
Andre, got to her station here's my destination

They could also use SpottieOttiedopaliscious track where they find an Inhuman like Ulysses who needs to step up and take responsibility. It is lesson that they have done to death and sure they could put a nice little Inhuman twist to it.

One moment you frequent the booty clubs &
the next four years you & somebody's daughter
raisin' y'all own young'n now that's a beautiful thang
that's if you're on top of your game
and man enough to handle real life situations [that is]
Can't gamble feeding baby on that dope money
might not always be sufficient but the
United Parcel Service & the people at the Post Office
didn't call you back because you had cloudy piss

3. Iron Man - 50 Cent - Patiently Waiting - Tony Stark would be incredibly easy to fit in with any rappers lyrics.  Do you call it bragging if it is still true?  Absolutely. He is incredibly arrogant which most rappers are and have to be.  With the lines below they could have done him writing a memoir about how he grew up without a dad or his problems with alcoholism.

Picture me pen in hand write lines knowing the source'll quote it
When I die, they'll read this and say a genius wrote it
I grew up without my pops should that make me bitter?
I caught cases I copped out does that make me a quitter?

4. Silver Surfer - Drake - Connect - Silver Surfer is a great character with a tragic past. I am sure there are a ton of Drake's songs that would fit just as well, but they could do a flash back to his paramore  before he was Galactus' herald.

I remember when my schedule was as flexible as she is
She call and tell me be here before the sun up
I be dressed before we hung up
I take Eglinton to 401 east
And exit at Markham road and the East end
Where all the pretty girls are sleeping

Missed Opportunities: The Game - Martians vs. Goblins - This song is awesome especially since they mention Blanca from Street fighter, Spiderman and The Hulk. How could they not do a cover with him?

Martians versus Goblins, goons versus the crooks
And since me and Tune had Viacom shook
I shoulda got a real-@$$ pirate to do the hook
Maybe Jack Sparrow maybe Peter Pan's nemesis
My power's limitless like Blanca on Sega Genesis
Superhero, mad that Marvel overlooked me
Cause Spiderman and Hulk straight....

Missed Opportunities: Random or Mega Ran depending on how you look him up - Splash Woman - This song is great with an 8 bit tune and basically about a Megaman level.  This one is pretty self explanatory and would be so easy to turn into a book.  If you are a Megaman fan or an 8-bit fan you have to check this song out.

She used to save victims that fell through the surface
A few days ago her contract expired
And she was scheduled to be thrown into the fire
And Wily gave her a reason to live
So now she gotta do what he says
She shed a tear and said you don't understand
I gotta stick to the plan, I owe everything to this man
So please Mega Ran, don't take it personal
Cause it hurts I know, I'll make it worse y'know
But he saved me baby
To turn my back on Wily would be just plain crazy
She said it's the only way it can end
Let the, battle begin and we can't be friends
So my heart sunk low as the lair door closed
Drew the Mega Buster cause it's time to roll, here we go
What do you guys think? Any covers that could be turned into books?  Am I a moron and is this a terrible idea? Let me know in the comments.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

Sup Muchachos.  Today I am going to write about books that had a great premise and did not execute.  They could have been so much more, but fell flat.  Those books that you really wanted to like and kept reading with the hope that it would improve.  There are plenty of examples and most of them are crossover events.  I had high hopes for Original Sin, Forever Evil, Convergence and possibly Civil War II. 

Today, I am going to write about Futures End that came out a couple years ago and was a weekly.  First off, I admit, Batman from Batman Beyond are two of my favorite characters and Batman Beyond going back in time and being able to interact with everyone in the DC Universe in their prime had me chomping at the bit for this book.  The premise was basically terminator with DC Characters. Robots in the future called brother eye have turned most of the heroes into cyborgs hunting the rest of the heroes and the human race. 

The first issue/zero issue came out on Free Comic Book Day and it hooked me. Flash in the future fighting next to Captain Cold against Wonder Woman and Frankenstein. Batman Beyond then travels back in time to stop this future from happening. He has arrived 5 years later than he wanted and the events that lead to his future are already taking place.  With the 5 year gap in time they could have free reign to any character they wanted.  They also had the 5 year gap wherein they could transform whatever character they wanted into whatever roll they needed.  They did this a little with Batman helping to create Brother Eye and Tim Drake going into hiding/retirement. Instead they focused on Batman Beyond, Frankenstein, Firestorm, Mister Terrific, Stormwatch, The Atom and Grifter. Most of these characters held no interest to me, but I did enjoy Grifter and Frankenstein.

With Batman Beyond now is the past he attempts to stop his future from happening by going against.... Drum Roll Please..... Mr. Terrific, WOMP WOMP WOMP.  Seriously, that is the villain that you are going to make in this book.  Yeah he was being manipulated by Brainiac, but come on.  Batman should have been the villain being manipulated by Brainiac. How much better would that have been, Batman versus Batman Beyond.  Additionally, this is something that Batman would have done and the old Bruce Wayne even told Batman Beyond not to trust Bruce. Add in the fact that Batman Beyond is from the future with a suit from the future and his full utility belt, he cant break into Terrifitech Tower by himself and keep Brother Eye from coming online. Even if he couldn't, he couldn't recruit a better team than Plastique, Key and Coil?

Overall I thought the story was convoluted and elements were explained poorly or not at all. The Earth-2 encampment on Cadmus Island didn't fit that well and made little sense and Fifty Sue was annoying.  I did like the elements with Tim Drake and Constantine, but they tried to do too much in too many issues. There were times when you wouldn't see character for a couple issues and you were like wait what is happening with them or they would try and cram everyone in one book but nothing really happened or was explained.

 

Then there was the 1 shots with the 3D Covers.  This was basically a What-If book for every character and book that was out that took place 5 year from Futures End or ten years from continuity.  I really enjoyed some of these, but they were definitely not for everyone. The ones involving Superman were not for me, but I thought the Green Arrow, Swampthing, Constantine and most the Bat books were pretty good.  Batgirl with a Bane element was interesting as hell and I enjoyed it. I loved the 3D covers and most of the art was amazing.  The Constantine cover is still one of my favorite covers.  Him putting on the Helmet of Fate.  Yes please.

Overall this was an incredibly ambitious project that I hoped would turn into a great story.  Unfortunately, this turned into a convoluted story that was meh. They could have used all their A characters and did something really cool and then either retconned it, make it take place out of continuity or just add more time travel so that it doesn't happen. How cool would of it been to see Batman, Green Arrow, Flash, Superman and Wonder working together on something that ends the world with Batman Beyond and a couple cool Earth-2ers fighting against them.  Turn it into an Injustice: Gods Among Us, type book were good guys are fighting good guys because they think they know what's best for everyone. That seems to turn out the best stories like Civil War, Flashpoint Aquaman versus Wonder Woman or Injustice: Gods Among where Superman ends up killing Green Arrow.

Disagree with me? What would you have liked to see happen in Future's End?  Let me know in the comments.